Why should I keep fighting?

I have heard so many times God only gives you what you can handle..My response is that I want to write a letter and tell him I think I've had enough. I have looked at everthing I have had to over come since I was a child. Being abused, being teased to the exteme in school, relationships, then dealing with my youngest Zac and all the surgeries he has gone through and glaucoma and cateracts, then my eldest 2 months later ,Kyle, getting cancer and dealing with all that and the seizer, and medications. And then there is messed up me that no one can understand or fix. I'm tired of the fight, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of crying because I don't know what is going to be thrown at me next. Why can't I stop fighting? I have been since birth. That's 35 going on 36 years this years of barely being able to rememeber a period of time when things were happy. I know the birth of my kids were the best thing that ever happened. But I had to fight the whole time to get them out of the situation. I lost a daughter that no one cared about or even considered a child. I was 2 weeks shy of 5 months. They never gave me a birth or death certificate, they said I wasn't far enough(2 more weeks) along. I am completely lost, and as much as I love my parents, my mom can really hmmmmmm!!!! We have always had one of those realtionships. She'll say what she wants to me and talks crud behind my back calling me a sl** and a who** and so on. So why should I keep on fighting? My kids will be leaving in 4 years for college and I will be alone, they already act now(and I know it is a teenage thing)that they don't need me, but why can't I decide what I want when they are gone. My Dr.'s say when the time gets closer we'll talk more about that, but I am in pain inside and out. Emotionally and physically and I feel like I can just burst. So, Why should I keep fighting?

I so understand how you feel, really I do. I to have been fighting since birth. My father molested me from the age of 4 to14, I left home and lived in the streets. It was difficult and degrading to beg for food but at least my father would never lay his grimy hands on me again. Then I am hit with a mental illness, in and out of psyche wards most of my life. I could not understand why God was doing this to me, what had I done wrong? I tried to end my life so many times, I just couldnt handle anymore. In time I got on the right meds ad I fought hard to come back to live for my grandson. What I wantto say is we learn things out of our hard times! I have learned to be more patient and caring. Not making fun of someone who dos not have their full mental capacity, I will walk up to them and ask if they are in need of anything. You should see the looks I get from other people, they think that I am crazy to aproach these people...lol. LOOK back and see what you have learned when you are ready. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need to talk please e-mail me at manic4u@yahoo.com. I would like to give you a little relief. We can talk on phone if its okay with you. You are loved on this site and have done so much for others, remember you are a valuable person, and God is with you though it may seem he isnt.I really care for you and so does others, I pray your load lightens. Really if you want I can try to help you, just think another friend, we all need friends. Your thred just seemed to touch me somehow, take one day at a time. luv Patty

I am so sorry for all you are going thru my prayers are with you my dear one.you have friends that love you very much i understand you are tired and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there i hope you understand that i will be lost with out you so please keep fighting i don't want to lose one of my best friends i love you you are more a sister than a friend to be honest with you.love you and prayers for you too please don't leave me in this world with out you i would be so sad and then chrissy would be sad to we need you love Marcia

First you need to know that I trully admire people like you who have to deal with serious illness of their child. I also believe that in order to accept all that is taking place in your life you need to try and change your point of view.

Every single one of us has their own Cross to carry. For you it may be all those things that you described, for me it's hundreds of different things that I need to deal with... And it's not up to us to judge who has it worst...

I guess we all have to keep going for our own sake. As Mothers, Doughters and Wives we often forget that after everything is said and done... It is us left with our broken selfs.

What truly upset me in your post was what you said about your mother. What does it say about her?! She is the one who raised you! And now she calls you those nasty names? I guess she never was and still is not a good mother! Mother should LOVE her children no matter what they do!

It's time for you to find yourself in all of this and start LOVING yourself! That means doing all you can to remove all the negativity from your life. If it means keeping your mother at a distance... So be it! I now live 1.5h away from mine... Need I say more?

I pray that you will find a way to get the strength you need to go on and love yourself too.

First of all thank you. I just feel like I'm loosing my way and everything. I have tried to end it and have the scars. When I had kids, I made a promise to myself and God that I would no longer cut myself, and to this day I haven't. It has been a big challange because it is a release, I'm sorry , was a release for me when I was younger. I don't drink since I'm on so much meds, and when I could have one, I really would never have one with the kids around, and I rarly drank as it was. My mother, as I said before and I have that love hate relationship. She has been suuportive in ways but in others my father tells me she just goes off. My brother is the strong one and was able to set rules where if she is acting a certain way or starts up, she is not welcome. Since I have to depend on my parents so much with both of the boys and my disabilities, ny father says we are in a different boat than my brother.I have gone as far as not letting her around the boys and it works for awhile. We can be friends one day and cats and dogs the next. As for the rest of everthing, looking back..lol.. as I cry.. I know I will be alone for the rest of my life because I have learned never to have your friends meet your man because thaey will wind up messing around with your fiance.I have learned never to trust men and without trust you have nothing. I've learned that the world is cruel and unkind to people like me, even in the school system. That's why I hardly leave my house. I love the people I've met on hear and I cry all the time because everybody lives in so many different places.That is what I've learned, keep your distance, no trust, and it hurts so bad. You hide it from your kids as much as you can. But they know.So what do you do? Why keep faith if it always seems to be thrown back at you? I will always believe in God, but I believe I have a right to get angry and ask why me(or anybody else in the same boat) why do we have to keep going through this? I am not a bad person, I teach my kids not to be bad,why is there have to be so much suffering? That's why I ask Whyshould I keep fighting?(sorry so long)

I will be praying for you and I am truly sorry for all that you have gone through. Believe me I have been there and can have a big book on all that I have been through.
The main thing I have learned in life is that there is no reason to fight. The day you let go of all the hurt and pain is the day when God does walk in and take over. When you give it all to God you find a peace that no man can give.
The most important thing in life to know is to not give up. God is there. He never promised that we would have it easy and many of us can know that for sure. But, He did promise to never leave us. Many times we are given trials to make us stronger even though it seems to make life complicated.
You asked why you should keep fighting it is because of our final reward. That if we can endure all that is given to us and that we follow God we will end up with a wonderful gift from Him and that is after this life is over to spend eternity without another tear....
Stay strong and know that you are cared for and loved beyond any thing we can imagine.


~ I care ~

But I'm so tired, does that make me a failer? or If I keep on fighting then I recieve His love?

not a failure just human God's love is unconditional always

I personally believe you are exhausted!

Now, see the whole picture of what has occurred in the last week or so.

Your son's procedure/ your appointment///goodness //alot

You are physically as well as mentally exhausted.

Do me a favor//after the guys go to bed//sit down in a comfortable chair where it is quite//get a nice cup of coffee/ or tea//or whatever you drink///and enjoy the quite!

It is always good for me to sit outside//looking at the stars/ moon/ or clouds! or//sitting in the living room watching the fish swim/ or just the light of a candle!

Tell yourself you did it//you got thur all the stuff you went thru!

Say a simple little prayer only in your thoughts/over and over/ until you feel a sense of peace.

Slowly drinking your drink. Thank God for being there,

You will see// your mind will quite //so your spirit and soul can take in the Beauty of God's presence.
God Bless, prayers are with you and yours

You are in no way a failure and you don't have to do anything to get God's love... Just trust and have faith and God does the rest....

Have a good night~

Thank you (as I cry again..lol..) I think I'm just haveing an episode. I still and Kyles surgeries to go through and to fing out the results. One was ok which still leaves me in the dark about what is going on but I have one more to wait for. The kids regester tomorrow, Tues. I see my quacker(as I call him) and then the 31st Kye get's checked for his surgeries and we get the date. My episopes go up and down and last as long as they want and I'm so very sorry for the inconvienence I might have caused. I just needed to vent and I don't have anyone hear. I appreciate all the support and prayers and advice and hopefully this down I'm haveing will be over soon. They stink but I can't control them, they just happen and some are really bad. So thank you for being hear while I try to get through this one.

There is one thing I can tell you for certain//there was NO inconvience on anyones part> So get that one out of the way.

I personally believe to vent can be a good thing===The reason I say that is //it is not healthy to keep things bottled up// It is what I call the Mole Hill turning into a Mountain theory. LOL

Did you get the opportunity to try my MEDITATION exercise?

You need to say to yourself///you got thru that ///whatever you face head on.

Darkangel, the things that has happened to you is overwhelming//and I tell you//you continue to care for others! That in itself is truly wonderful!

God Bless you//why don't you take up Manic in the offer of really talking to each other//

My personality is //if I don't talk about issues that bother me//I believe I would form a gas explosion and blow me up! Just kidding//but true!

I hope you have a Day filled with encouraging words and Deeds!

God Bless you and yours

I just wanted to stop by and say hi and see how your day was. Hope you are feeling better. Please keep in touch on how things are going.


~ I care ~

THE POWER OF PRAYER

Do you ever have those kind of days,
When nothing turns out right?
Where you feel like your walking in total darkness,
And you wish so for the light?

Where every single step you take,
Feels like your walking uphill?
And just continuing with your life,
Takes every ounce of will?

Does it sometimes seem your hopes and dreams,
Will never come to be?
And when you stop to look around you,
Pain is all you see?

Do you ever feel like giving up?
Ragged, used or worn?
Have you ever hurt so much,
That you wished you were never born?

Don’t feel so alone for we all have those days,
And there is someone who cares,
You can always reach His listening ear,
With a simple word of prayer.

The power of prayer is very great,
It's stronger than sin, lust or hate.
It can shake the roots of sin itself,
Until it falls apart,
It can humble even the strongest soul,
And can soften the hardest heart.

It brings hope to those who have no hope,
And to those who are oppressed,
It brings comfort to those who are in pain,
And to those who are distressed.

So when you feel your days been long,
Or you weep for some small loss,
Remember the agony that Jesus felt,
As He suffered on the cross.

Remember the crown of thorns on his head,
Remember the spear thrust in His side,
Remember the nails in His hands and feet,
Remember.................for you He suffered and died.

Take a long hard look at all your problems,
And those Jesus had to bare,
You'll find your problems,
Are nothing to compare,

So when you feel downtrodden,
And you need someone who cares,
Just bow your head, close your eyes,
And experience the power of prayer.



Keep fighting and know that you are cared for~

Thank you